Top 10 Reasons Why J*bu Is Missing In Action

10. He is sending some secret JKR squad to check, recheck, check all over again the crack on Santubong bridge which he famously declared safe few years back. Phew, sweat !

9. He is monitoring new Salcra HQ progress full time at site. Probably his last great monument since err…the old Salcra HQ. Will name it as WISMA JABU.

8. Offered himself as human test for new vaccine H1N1 swine flu made from Buah Kepayang juice extract and hell, what a great Dayak heroic saviour he would be! Hey Joe Entulu, eat this!

7. Filming a reality show with Lubok Antu MP Willy ‘Ol Badak showing road trip to Dayak longhouses dishing out MRP grants, it’s called—‘Simple Dayak Life: The Rescue Trips’.

6. Still busy putting all longhouses with custom-made curse for ‘Outsider’ so that to proof any future visit by Anwar is a curse full of death. Will be included in TV3’s next series of Misteri Nusantara…

5. Filming a season-long Al-Jazeera TV documentary series: The Fight For Power 2, Buah Kepayang’s Great Renewal Energy Hope. OK, it’s about Buah Kepayang oil as the world’s best fuel alternative.

4. Working full time with Dr.Eli Luhat on how to save ikan terubok from extinction other than using kelambu to captive-breed it. Possibly cross-hybrid it with ikan tilapia so it can live both salt/fresh water plus soil-eating nature ensure its survival.

3. Plotting a merger of Salcra and LCDA (from Masing) to become Palm Oil Kingdom. Sending Joe Entulu to create PRS mess against Masing to create a decoy to avoid himself not being the plot suspect. HAH!

2.  Team-up with Engklili YB Johny-Called Elvis for surprise new-age Dayak Elvis duet cameo in DAMA 2009. SHHH!!!

1. Preparing to fake his death so he can swim to any obsure island as his final kingdom Pulau Kepayang near Aruba Island, just next to Michael Jackson.


Ever thought of faking your death? Not a good idea? Well, this is another option beside thinking of commit suicide or euthanasia mercy killing yourself and donate your kidney for some Indian medical college. The idea of fake death is not new. Some world leaders did it, along with celebrities, dictators, and all those big time money swindlers. Now with the magic of body doubles, surgeries, fake IDs it’s all possible and keep your billions at non-UN member Switzerland banks safe.

With Malaysia’s unique status as both transit point for money laundering and human trafficking under BN rule, fake death probably the next big business. For a big sum of fee, you can declared yourself dead in your hometown but sneak yourself plus your money to be transferred. Past regimes like Khemer Rouge, Shah of Iran, African dictators would be the very glad for this modern marvel although some of them may missed the boat by now. 

The list of clients might grew especially in U.S with more corporate frauds yet to be uncovered and most of the fraudster will find fake death as the best ploy to escape justice.  Probably some of them already did, by looking at the timely death for big scams such as Worldcom or Enron when some of the top boss died before justice served and made answerable for the big debt they left behind. Probably Bernie Madoff we’ve seen in jail now is just his body double while Bernie himself enjoy the sunshine in Bahamas.

But there are still hope for such fake death practice to be upheld and it’s here in Malaysia this kind of services will be at full blown. It is a matter of time that BN will loose power while RM billions of stolen wang rakyat still at BN goons, it’s not an easy task to hand it over. From Chief Ministers, former mayors, top cops, civil servants, and if they are lucky enough, the nearest they can do is to migrate with those stolen money to Australia or New Zealand. Only fake death will ensure their money still intact elsewhere.

Perhaps that is the beauty of greed and how some people will try anything to enjoy greed no matter what or wherever it may be. The Egypt pharoahs, the Crusader warriors, the early Caribbean pirates, 30s mobster (such as Al Capone, John Dilinger…legends says that Dilinger use body double to fake his death) and now the corrupt politicians, the many kinds of Madoffs all of them got to find some way to bury their stolen wealth somewhere somehow. All the trickery evolves along the time period but the greed still the same. And now, you only need the right technology, the right transit point and the right time. Previously most common thieves and robbers usually hide their loots in certain place, leave it in hope of to retrieve it later on. Mostly never going back except dead and gone. The odd now certainly improves with technology plus much more convincing with faking you death.

Why I’m saying this because it is fun and almost a joke to note robbers and thieves of our time would do anything to bring their loot money as much as they can with themselves. Or can they? Or their mind was so corrupted they can only obsess with greed and by greed they shall live and die and willing to fake their death. Even some species of animal cannot fake their death for so long in order to dupe the predator and cannot hide all the carcass in secluded spot all the time. But some people will do it and that is a different breed of animal called as a greedy human. At this moment, faking you death is quite practical form of escapism but nobody knows in future. Maybe some form of deep-freeze yourself for few hundred years and still enjoy the loot again.

The Dyaks Blog Final Donkeys:

So, fancy faking your death now?